Re: Chad Ford Picks The Celtics 8th

[Snoopy the Celtics Beagle <snoopy@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

I'm not sure which is potentially more annoying--that Chad Ford gets paid 
to beat up on the Celtics or that Way does it for free.

I'm well and truly fed up with the denigrating comments about the C's and 
the EC in general.  Let's take a look at the all-hallowed Wild Western 
Conference.

We have over here "Exhibit A", otherwise known as the Portland 
Trailblazers.  If the NBA ever opens up an expansion franchise in Tombstone 
Arizona, then the Jailblazers should be made to feel right at home, and I'm 
sure the City of Portland would welcome the exodus--if only to lower the 
crime rate.  On those occasions when they're not increasing their personal 
familiarity with law enforcement, they're experiencing meltdowns 
reminiscent of the "China Syndrome"--but without Jack Lemmon to bolster 
their credibility.

Ah, now here's an interesting find--the Utah Jazz, living proof to Danny 
Ainge that having two bona fide superstars surrounded by nondescript 
players does not a championship team make.  Now that Stockton and Malone 
have accepted the inevitable--about 10 years too late--the Jazz will be 
having an interesting season trying to stay out of the cellar.  but they 
will have help there, provided by...

...The Denver Nuggets, who decided it was a good idea to cut back on their 
offense by getting rid of their best offensive threat--which is a little 
like taking a water gun away from an annoying three year old.  The Mile 
High Team will have such low scoring, they'll become known as the half-mile 
team.

Onward we go, and here's the Minnesota Timberwolves.  I really liked Kevin 
McHale as a player.  As an office-type person, he's worse news that 
Hurricane Andrew was to Homestead.  All the business about how Kevin 
Garnett was going to have a better supporting cast has been revealed as so 
much smoke and mirrors to keep KG from doing what Payton and Malone 
did.  Sam Cassell and Wally S. have been useless to them.  The T'wolves 
used to give the Celtics fits every time they played.  Most recently, the 
team fought each other far more than they did anyone from the C's fast 
breaking upcourt.

The L.A. Clippers, who despite living in what is supposedly a great part of 
the country, have to pay millions more than the going rate to get their 
players to stay put.  That the owners and management haven't been fired for 
incompetence tells me they've got fantastic photographs somewhere.

Mark Cuban is trying to outspend the entire rest of the league, figuring if 
the Mavs can't play defense, he'll buy up everyone else's offensive players 
and sit them on his bench.  Then Dallas can win by outscoring everyone 
else's bench.

The Houston Rockets were so clueless they had Yao Ming taking outside jump 
shots--when anyone bothered to pass their extremely tall center the ball, 
that is.

Then we have the single biggest waste of potential in the NBA.  The 
annoying, third-rate, L.A. Lakers.  Shaq should have been THE dominant 
center of the last decade.  Instead he rests on his unearned rep as 
"Diesel" or whatever he's calling himself this week.  Last season, Shaq 
destroyed the Lakers by putting off surgery until just before the season 
began.  Thus, he was completely out of shape for the first four months of 
the season.  Only an extraordinary stretch of play by Kobe Bryant saved the 
Lakers from total humiliation by way of not winning enough games to make 
the playoffs.  This season, Shaq is supposedly in better shape, but Kobe 
decided he was too traumatized to practice this summer.  Then he apparently 
figured showing up for training camp in Hawaii was too much of a 
bother.  Payton and Malone must be mentally kicking themselves to sleep 
every night.  The LA-ZY Lakers are long overdue for their comeuppance and I 
plan to enjoy every moment of it.

Now, having examined the West, let's try to deal ol' Chad some reality 
about the East in relation to the Celtics.

He picked New Jersey first.  OK, they did win the EC title last year, but 
after their "let's not bother" mentality of the preseason, they lack mental 
toughness.  They're more fragile than Chad seems willing to accept.  Still, 
the C's will have to wreak havoc upon them in the regular season--and 
playoffs, presuming the opportunity arises--to be reasonably acknowledged 
as the better team.

For second, Chad went with Detroit.  Fair enough based on their preseason 
dismantling of the Celtics.  But the Pistons are still a team without a 
defense once Ben Wallace takes a seat.  If the C's running defense runs 
smoothly, the Pistons are in for some long nights.  In any case, Chad seems 
to be unwilling to remember that the Celtics took the Pistons down in their 
last playoff encounter.

In third, The Chad Man went with the New Orleans Hornets.   OK, we have 
found the only sportswriter that thinks Tim Floyd is a better coach than 
Isaiah Thomas.  Get real, man.  The Hornets have good players with bad 
owners and now an even worse coach.

Fourth place in Chad's fantasyfest went to the Indiana Pacers.  Yes, having 
Thomas as coach was a major problem for them.  But The PAcers were all too 
willing to self-destruct no matter WHO ran the team.  Reggie Miller is only 
about 50%--if that--of the player he was.  He's still good, but no longer 
great, and definitely no longer the go-to guy.  Larry and Carlisle are a 
definite improvement, but they're going to have to prove themselves better 
than Boston--in their last meeting, they did not.

In the number five slot we see the Orlando Magic, otherwise known as the 
4077th east.  They need all the miracles modern medicine can provide just 
to keep the only decent player they have from being unable make it up and 
down the court on a regular basis.  This is a team better than Boston?  Nope.

The Sixers as number six.  Larry Brown was the only known person who could 
keep Iverson more or less on track and even he finally left town in 
frustration.  AI scores most of his points by throwing himself at the 
defense and either making crazy shots or getting the foul call.  His 
newfound sense of team play was great at the Olympic qualifiers, but now 
he's got his normal teammates with him.  In other words, guys not as 
good.  He'll be fed up with that pretty quick.

The Bulls in seventh place.  Chad actually says he likes this team better 
than the other East teams.  Chad, old man, you have GOT to get those 
medications adjusted.  The hallucinations are playing with your mind.

The C's drop to eighth and we realize Chad is winging it, apparently 
unmindful of the universe his columns actually appear in.

I mean if Way is going to post fiction to the list, can't it at least be 
GOOD fiction?  Bleah.

Snoopy the Celtics Beagle
Please visit the <http://www.celticsbeagle.net/>Celtics Beagle Website