Re: Fw: Wife 1.0

[pio@edu15.coe.ufl.edu (mark piotrowski)]

Could we PLEASE not post non-celtics (and at the very least non-sports)
stuff to this list.  We can't agree on the Celtics nevermind whether
"humor" like this is appropriate/offensive/boring/etc.

I've seen other lists become catch-all lists for any type of post.  I'm on
this list b/c I love the C's not for anything else.

mark piotrowski

>> Some software humor for your amusement
>>
>>
>> Upgrading from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0
>
>
> Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 1.0 to
> Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little
> system resources available for other applications.
>
> He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child
> Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.
>
> No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product
>brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that
>this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.  Not only
>that, Wife 1.0
> installs itself such that it is always launched at system
> initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity.  He's
>finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and
>PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the
>system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
>
>
>During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of
>undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and SisterInLaw Beta release.
>Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
>
>  Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:
> A *Don't remind me again* button A Minimize Button
> An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed
> with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and
>other system resources.
>
> An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode
> which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more
>useful.
>
>  I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with
> Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0.  Even here, however, I found
>many problems.  Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of
>Girlfriend 1.0.  You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first.  Other users say
>this is a long
>standing bug that I should have known about.  Apparently the versions of
>GirlFriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port.
>
>You would think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now.  To make
>matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very
>well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.
>
>Another thing * all versions of GirlFriend continually popup
> little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0
>
>
>
> **** BUG WARNING ****
>> Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug.  If you try to install
>> Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney
>files before doing the uninstall itself.  Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to
>install; claiming
>> insufficient resources.
>>
>>
>> **** BUG WORK AROUNDS ****
>>
> To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different
> system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0.
>Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to
>carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.  Another solution would be to run
>Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name.  Here
>> again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be
>> downloaded from the UseNet.Pain Sharing Technology.
>>
>> **** SPECIAL NOTICE ****
>> Any attemp to uninstall Wife 1.0 will be impossible legally**
>> without the use of Shylock 1.0 (available online at
>> www.dewey.cheatem.andhow.com).  Shylock 1.0 is a very
>> complicated program (unique source code * lawyerese) and is not available
>for purchase, but must be leased at rates running $120/hr. and up and
>requires multiple helper applications (like CivilCourt, RM105 and others)
>> that require additional user fees.  The removal process is very costly
>and time consuming, often involving the alteration of many previously
>overlooked or *hidden* files like SAP.EXE and CUSTODY.EXE.
>
> These files often require a complete reformatting of the
> user's harddrive with new and unusual partioning (at best) or
>> complete loss and removal * forcing the user to rebuild most of the
>system from scratch.  When corrupted, Wife 1.0 mutates into the most
>sophisticated and catastrophic virus known.  While Shylock 1.0 often
>results in the ultimate removal of Wife 1.0 and successful reconfiguration
>of
>> user's system resources and function, the long term process sometimes
>leads users' to try extreme antivirus programs such as **HITMAN 4.U. (While
>> sometimes successful and available at bargain prices
>> through underground networks, the use of this unregistered, undocumented
>and
>> untraceable shareware program, HITMAN 4.U. is extremely
>> risky and can subject the user to be plagued by inescapable terminal
>> viruses like *JAIL99+* or *DEATHROW* and *GASCHAMBER*).
>>
>>  Known side effects of Shylock 1.0 relate to depleted system resources
>and memory loss which often leads users to reinstall upgrades like Wife
>2.0, 3.0, and later releases if available.
>
>One firewall that can protect users attempting upgrades to Wife 2.0 is a
>simple and often ignored file within Shylock 1.0 *. PRE-NUP.EXE !!
>>
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