Fw: Wife 1.0

["JLyell" <jlyell@concentric.net>]

> Some software humor for your amusement
> 
> 
> Upgrading from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0


 Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 1.0 to
 Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little
 system resources available for other applications.

 He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child
 Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.

 No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product
brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that
this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.  Not only
that, Wife 1.0
 installs itself such that it is always launched at system
 initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity.  He's
finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and
PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the
system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
 

During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of
undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and SisterInLaw Beta release. 
Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
 
  Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:
 A *Don't remind me again* button A Minimize Button
 An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed
 with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and
other system resources.

 An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode
 which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more
useful.
 
  I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with
 Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0.  Even here, however, I found
many problems.  Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of
Girlfriend 1.0.  You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first.  Other users say
this is a long
standing bug that I should have known about.  Apparently the versions of
GirlFriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port.

You would think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now.  To make
matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very
well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing * all versions of GirlFriend continually popup
 little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0
  


 **** BUG WARNING ****
> Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug.  If you try to install
> Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney
files before doing the uninstall itself.  Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to
install; claiming
> insufficient resources.
> 
> 
> **** BUG WORK AROUNDS ****
> 
 To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different
 system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0.
Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to
carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.  Another solution would be to run
Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name.  Here
> again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be
> downloaded from the UseNet.Pain Sharing Technology.
> 
> **** SPECIAL NOTICE ****
> Any attemp to uninstall Wife 1.0 will be impossible legally**
> without the use of Shylock 1.0 (available online at
> www.dewey.cheatem.andhow.com).  Shylock 1.0 is a very
> complicated program (unique source code * lawyerese) and is not available
for purchase, but must be leased at rates running $120/hr. and up and
requires multiple helper applications (like CivilCourt, RM105 and others)
> that require additional user fees.  The removal process is very costly
and time consuming, often involving the alteration of many previously
overlooked or *hidden* files like SAP.EXE and CUSTODY.EXE.

 These files often require a complete reformatting of the
 user's harddrive with new and unusual partioning (at best) or
> complete loss and removal * forcing the user to rebuild most of the
system from scratch.  When corrupted, Wife 1.0 mutates into the most
sophisticated and catastrophic virus known.  While Shylock 1.0 often
results in the ultimate removal of Wife 1.0 and successful reconfiguration
of
> user's system resources and function, the long term process sometimes
leads users' to try extreme antivirus programs such as **HITMAN 4.U. (While
> sometimes successful and available at bargain prices
> through underground networks, the use of this unregistered, undocumented
and
> untraceable shareware program, HITMAN 4.U. is extremely
> risky and can subject the user to be plagued by inescapable terminal
> viruses like *JAIL99+* or *DEATHROW* and *GASCHAMBER*).
> 
>  Known side effects of Shylock 1.0 relate to depleted system resources
and memory loss which often leads users to reinstall upgrades like Wife
2.0, 3.0, and later releases if available.

One firewall that can protect users attempting upgrades to Wife 2.0 is a
simple and often ignored file within Shylock 1.0 *. PRE-NUP.EXE !!
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