re[2]: evolution

[Kevin Winn <kwinn@steptech.com>]

>>>
From: cuda340@tribeca.ios.com (Tesco Vee)
        I think you are approaching adulthood too mechanically.  If there
is a "flame of youth" to back away from, into what are you backing into?
[snip]
<<<

>>>
From: mleaman@sccoast.net (Mark Leaman)
Now this is a worrisome post.
[snip]
<<<

Whoa - I got a lot of response, public and private, to my post about the   
onset of adulthood.  I thought I'd respond a bit here, since it's a   
recurring theme in PT's work and an issue that we're all going to face at   
one time or another.

Several of the messages were of the above type: "Don't lose your youth!"   
 "You should stay young in your MIND"

First, I never meant to give the impression that, as a precondition of   
aging that I've completely given up the ghost.  Far from it.  While my   
physical body may no longer be able to take what it once used to (despite   
my best efforts otherwise), my emotions and intensity have subsided   
somewhat, and all I meant was that I believe that is a necessary part of   
maturing.

I no longer go home and pray in front of the stereo and think to myself   
that this description of Jimmy and his inability to come to terms with   
the forces that are pulling at him are more important than anything, and   
in fact *are* everything, in *that* moment, and that moment *is* my life.   
 Now I have to think about a much broader picture.  It's a shift in view.   
 I am now trying to reconcile my place in the world as opposed to trying   
to reconcile the world to my perceptions of it.  I found that by taking   
the latter tack, I was spiraling further down into my own head, and   
ending up in situations and places that were very destructive and   
dangerous, like climbing up a water tower with a head full of acid during   
a blizzard.  I'm not saying listening to the Who made me do that.  What   
made me do that was becoming intoxicated by the intensity of the emotion   
that the Who represented in (and to) me.  I'm a better man for it, but   
frankly, some of the things I used to do for Pete (at least in my own   
mind) were fucking frightening.

I used the Who as a role model.  Moon's intensity and recklessness,   
Pete's brooding fury and perception and self-(fill in the blank).  It   
nearly killed me a few times.  I made a conscious decision to back away   
from that flame.  Not toward boredom.  Nothing so diametrically opposed.   
 Just towards a balance within myself.  Quad is no less appreciated by my   
head and my soul than when I was 16 and would snarf down a couple of   
microdots and spend a night wandering the beach, headphones blaring...   
 but it is less *necessary.*

And that's indicative of the way things have evened out in my life.  I   
don't know how many of you have ever studied any of the stuff that Meher   
Baba (Pete's avatar) has given, but it's at least worth looking into.   
 Personally, I think that the reason that I got into the Who was to come   
to know the philosophies that Pete spends a great deal of energy trying   
to paraphrase and reproduce.

The main thing that I've learned is that you can be aware and participate   
without necessarily killing yourself.

Stacey:  I'm not approaching adulthood with any plan at all.  Much less   
mechanically.  Afraid I'm just making it up as I go.  :)

Mark:  I also find that four or five days in a wilderness area can do   
wonders for my head.

Thanks to all who were interested.

OK,
KLW