Re: ahhh the wonders of a moped

[Khan Klatt <kmk@pacificrim.net>]

At 7:00 PM -0400 6/27/99, ClOwNToKeR@aol.com wrote:
>oh let me tell u guys how u havnt lived untill you have felt the raw power a
>moped delivers if you have read my ongoing battle with the law you know i
>lost my L a little while ago so today i purchased a  moped let me tell you
>how cool i feel flying around at 25 mph(tons of sarcasim added) its so fun to
>rool up to a party on my moped i feel like a real stud all the girls swarm me
>nothing like a moped i bet ill give the new beetle some comp...lol...i really
>dont like them at all sorry guys i even added a "prefomance exaust"lol now i
>look real cool oh well does anyone know how to make em go faster id really
>like to be able to crack 30 oh well untill next time.
>Ian
>85 Jetta GL(outta commision)
>96 tomos 2 speed moped preformance exaust "5 spoke alloy(read plastic)wheels"

There are several ways to get performance out of a moped. Since I am 
expert on this topic (I rode one for several months in college before 
I owned a car) I will share my wealth of knowledge with you.

1. Premium gas. I never noticed much of a difference, but that 
doesn't mean it wasn't there. Or maybe it was because I farted that 
gave me the extra oomph. I couldn't tell, but it can't hurt, right?

2. become an anorexic. Every pound you lose helps. Think of it this 
way. Top speed at your weight? 25 mph. Top speed after losing five 
pounds? 26mph. Every five pounds of weight you can lose can add as 
much as 4% to your top speed. Now that's performance. (Imagine that 
with your Jetta!) After losing 20 pounds, you could reach speeds of 
28mph!

3. Tuck. That's the word for the day. Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck. 
You may not think it's much but the difference between 29 and 30 mph 
is a nice aerodynamic tuck. Don't wear a helmet either. While it does 
streamline your face into a nice sphere, it also adds surface area in 
the direction of motion which increases drag.

4. One word, JATO. Actually, that would be four words, Jet Assisted 
Take Off. These things are fricking amazing. Forget about "mph". 
You'll have to measure your speed in terms of a Mach number. Say a 
healthy 0.5 mach or so. Make sure you wear a helmet. I know you lose 
a little bit of speed with a helmet, but I mean come on, you've got 
to keep a healthy figment of safety in mind. See this story for 
implementation details. 
<http://www.cains.com/cains/funnies/darwin.html>

5. Downhill. This is the best way to get some decent speed on a 
moped. Now, I'm not talking "traditional" downhill here. Here I 
define downhill as being motion in a downward direction. For example, 
riding off the edge of a cliff would certainly apply.  In fact, the 
terminal velocity of a moped and rider would reach about 89 mph. Plus 
or minus about five miles per hour if you're tucked, of course.


Right now, your moped does 0-60 in infinity (considering it never 
reaches 60mph). Following these tips will quickly allow you to enjoy 
speeds well in excess of 60 mph in no time. For a short time, but in 
no time, nonetheless.


P.S. Select a cliff at least 5000 feet high, because you won't reach 
terminal velocity until about 3/4s the way down. A shorter cliff will 
get you noticably that much less speed.

-Khan