For your entertainment

[Tammo29@xxxxxxx]

Thanks to Slam's links, the best NBA quotes of the year part 1:


"You've got idiots in the office running things; that's the problem." -- 
Reggie Miller, on a suspension of Ron Artest.

"It was one, a lack of experience in a situation like that, and two, they 
were bombing on Betty." -- Steve Francis, on the Mavs blowing out the Rockets.

"I'm 250 [pounds] -- I should be able to flex my muscles when I want to." -- 
Ron Artest, on flexing to the Miami bench. 

"I don't have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry 
about is Jerome." -- Jerome James, on Nate McMillan's comments about players on 
Seattle being selfish. (My personal favorite-TAM)

"It's all right. It sort of looks like Terry Porter, but that's OK. TP's my 
man. It's not an insult or anything like that. TP has a good smile and 
everything, so I'm rolling with that." -- Kevin Garnett, upon seeing his Celebriduck, 
which was handed out at a T-Wolves game.

"It looks like my grandfather's rug." -- Bimbo Coles, on a sweater worn by 
Smush Parker. 

"Name 12 players better than me." -- Jalen Rose, on whether or not he should 
make the All-Star team. (Is their a time limit?- TAM)

"I would compare Rod to classical music -- it just flows, a steady stream of 
melody, real free-flowing, something mixed up with a lot of tempo. Troy's like 
rock and roll, or rap. He comes out energetic, keeps you on your feet. At 
certain times you need that, and at certain times you need the classical music." 
-- Kevin Garnett, comparing Rod Strickland to Troy Hudson.

"Winning is the best deodorant." -- Jason Kidd.

"I played football for one day. I gave my equipment to the coach and said 
'Thank you, this is a bit to stressful for me.'" -- Charles Barkley, on playing 
high school football.

"Oh...and you never like to see this." -- Marv Albert, when Rodney White 
vomited on the court at Madison Square Garden.

"I am a rookie, so if I hit the rookie wall, I don't really know." -- Yao 
Ming, asked if he had hit the rookie wall.

"He was like the guinea pig for Rogaine for black men." -- Charles Barkley, 
on Karl Malone.

"Just put the ball in the basket. All of this french pastry is not 
necessary." -- John Thompson, on Utah's Greg Ostertag after a poorly executed play.

"The most underrated player in NBA history is Dominique Wilkins. Right behind 
him is Gary Payton. He never has gotten the respect he deserves. If he 
doesn't spend the rest of his days in Seattle, I hope he goes someplace where he has 
a chance to win a title." -- Charles Barkley.

"Gary Payton, in his first year, was no great shakes." -- Bill Cartwright.

"It's a lot better. I'm not medically inclined to give an opinion." -- Grant 
Long, on his sore hand.

"I don't know who is calling the shots, who is pulling the switches on and 
off but this team has gone downhill ever since. The team was broken up and there 
was no reason for them breaking it up." -- Charles Oakley, always reliable, 
on the Raptors.

"I've never taken medication (to control moods) in my life. Doctors have 
suggested it and I say, 'OK, give it to me.' But I throw it in the garbage 
immediately." -- Ron Artest.

"They don't know polo from lolo." -- Charles Oakley, on Canadian fans.

"He'll land some good middle-school job; you've got to start somewhere." -- 
Oak, on former Bulls coach Tim Floyd.

"I'd like to see him exert himself a little bit more." -- Phil Jackson, on 
Shaq posting a four rebound game. (After last night, this one isn't so funny- 
TAM)

"I speak a little Spanish, so I'm able to communicate." -- Marcus Camby, on 
communicating with teammate Nene Hilario, who speaks Portuguese and not Spanish.

"I was 19, but when I didn't get drafted by the Knicks, I had to go get a 
drink. They still put minibars in 19-year-olds' [hotel] rooms." -- Ron Artest.

NEW YORK KNICKS FAN: "Hey, Damon...you can come here and live in my house."
DAMON STOUDAMIRE: "I'd live in your doghouse to get out of this sh*t." 

"I don't bet. How about a hamburger?" -- Dick Bavetta, in response to Tim 
Duncan after Duncan offered to bet him money that he missed a call.

"Half Man, Half Sit-Out-The-Season." -- Barkley, talking about Vince Carter.

"The last time we won here, Snoop Dogg was still a pup." -- Rudy Tomjanovic, 
on the Rockets playing in Orlando.

"When I hit it I heard the crowd going crazy and I was like, 'Wow, that was a 
sweet jumper, they must have liked that one.' I had no clue." -- Matt 
Harpring, on receiving a pass from Mark Jackson and making the jumper that gave 
Jackson his 10,000th career assist.

"I think he's the only guy that didn't know. But that's Matt." -- Jackson's 
response.

"They better not put me in the All-Star Game. I won't shoot, but I'll 
dominate that easy game. I'll be playing hard defense. I'll be foulin'. I'll be 
flagrant fouling. Everyone will be like, 'What are you doing?'" -- Ron Artest.

"To make that type of analogy actually just shows stupidity. You've got to 
realize, this is the same guy who said he wanted to play in Madison Square 
Garden because of the aroma. He meant 'aura' but he said 'aroma.' So you've got to 
put everything in perspective." -- Flip Saunders, on Stephon Marbury saying 
that Amare Stoudemire is better than Kevin Garnett.

"This is news?" -- Latrell Sprewell, to a photographer waiting outside the 
police precinct where Spree was paying an overdue parking ticket.

Barkley: "I can not believe that Dan Rather didn't just kill Saddam Hussein 
when he was interviewing him, and that would have saved us all that money going 
to war."
Ernie Johnson: "How do you reckon Dan Rather would have pulled that off?"
Barkley: "He could have said 'Hey Saddam, let's go get something to eat' and 
then stabbed him in the neck with a fork. That could have saved us $26 billion 
dollars we're giving to Turkey. We could have used that money to fix the 
public school system here in America...You think a real fork or a salad fork?"
EJ: "I don't think a salad fork is getting it done." 

"Let me put it this way: One day, when we go on and play the game up in the 
big sky, I'm coming off the bench. I'm backing him up. I believe that in all my 
heart" -- Willis Reed, on Patrick Ewing's place among Knicks all-time centers.

"I'd take Willis ahead of Patrick, no question." -- Walt "Clyde" Frazier, on 
Patrick Ewing's place among all-time Knicks centers.

"I think he should have got the surgery before at the beginning of the year 
instead of waiting." -- Shaq, on Phil Jackson's kidney stone problem.

"I've been patient with everything -- management, coaches, players -- but I 
want to play. I think I took my time eating my soup, the soup is gone. Now it's 
time for the main course. The appetizers, throw them out the window." -- 
Charles Oakley.

"Well, my translator is still here." -- Yao, on how well his English is 
improving.

"I like doing other things. I like getting high, hanging out with my kids. I 
like drinking. I have so many demons." -- Mike Tyson. (How'd this one get in 
here?-TAM)

"The whole thing is great for my situation." -- Kenny Anderson, on being 
traded to New Orleans.

"You know what Ernie? Damn! I mean the good damn. There are different kinds 
of damn. This is not the kind of damn that you use to describe Mike Tyson." -- 
Charles Barkley, on the picture of Serena Williams in the Sports Illustrated 
Swimsuit Issue.

"I feel like Bill Walton -- old and sh*tty." -- Shaq.

"It wasn't a big deal, like somebody asking me to go fishing." -- Greg 
Ostertag, on being asked to donate a kidney to his sister.

"I don't know. The guy doesn't talk about it to me. I don't know anything 
that's going on with the guy." -- Alvin Gentry, on Andre Miller's mental state in 
the wake of the death of his stepfather.

"I wanted to ask if he planned to expand NBA basketball to the moon." -- Yao 
Ming, on his meeting with the David Stern.

"I make big shots everywhere. I get accustomed to it. I'm not afraid to be 
the goat. I don't worry about what you (reporters) say about me in the papers. 
In fact, I like it. It tickles me." -- Sam Cassell.

"He already has a pro body." -- Kendall Gill, on LeBron James.

"It's beyond explanation. It's mind-boggling. There are some things you can't 
understand -- the Kennedy assassination, where the aliens are hiding and our 
ups and downs. Oh, and Stonehenge." -- Troy Murphy, on Golden State's 
inconsistency. (Let's hope they're still confused tonight- TAM)

"Jerome James tried to jump on me and he was not successful. Both parties are 
usually suspended, but that didn't happen. That tells me that they give me 
special treatment in a negative way. It's the same reason why I'm not 
playing...But I'm not going to be the Sonics basher. Basically, I got suspended because 
I got into a fight with a 7-foot guy who attacked me." -- Joseph Forte, on why 
he was given a suspension by the Sonics. (Yep, that's our Joey)

"I don't know anything. I'm just a mute around here." -- Tim Thomas.

"No, they got a chance to see me." -- Steve Francis, when asked if he'd had a 
chance to see the Maryland players before they're NCAA Tourney game.

"That didn't bother me. I am not going to worry about a guy trying to be 
tough with a pink tie on." -- Ben Wallace, on the injured Marcus Fizer acting like 
he was going to come off the Bulls bench and fight.

"He is one of the best power forwards ever, always in shape, plays hard. I 
also think he's one of the dirtiest players of all time. And he's really into 
himself, with all his contracts and renegotiations and renegotiations. Great 
power forward. Selfish. Dirty...I wouldn't want to play with him." -- Joe Klein, 
on Karl Malone.

"I'm not embarrassed by America. I'm embarrassed by humanity. More than 
embarrassed, I think it's really unfortunate in the year 2003 that we're still 
using violence as a means of conflict resolution. That's what I'm speaking out 
against." -- Steve Nash.

"I saw Charles Manson do an interview once and he sounded normal too...Ron 
Artest has cost that team homecourt advantage." -- Barkley.

"We try to treat the road like it's a home game. We ain't got no fans at 
home, neither." -- Dion Glover, on the Hawks. (Watching their games on DTV you 
almost feel sorry for these guys in Atlanta.  Then you remember their getting 
paid millions of dollars to play a game-TAM)

"We also have a war we have to fight, too. The Washington Wizards are trying 
to make the playoffs...It's pretty much the same thing." -- Tyronn Lue, my 
Dad's favorite player, on the US war against Iraq.

"We don't pay Chauncey any mind. We let him gossip all he wants. Colorado 
hasn't done anything since he left. He's still the all-time leading scorer and he 
only played there two years." -- Rip Hamilton, on Chauncey Billups' claims 
that Colorado will knock off Michigan State in the NCAA Tournament.

"I was proud of DeShawn and I would have knocked him down harder. They can 
put me in jail for saying that, but that's the way it is." -- Jerry Sloan, on 
DeShawn fouling Ricky Davis after he shot on the wrong goal attempting to get a 
triple-double.

"For our team, every game is the key to opening the door to the playoffs." -- 
Yao Ming.

"Any Cub Scout with Boy Scouts can do Boy Scout-ish things. When the 
(expletive) was in the Cub Scouts, he was a Cub Scout. When the (expletive) was with 
Vancouver, nobody heard about his (expletive) punk-(expletive). Now that he's 
with Sacramento, that's some (expletive) that he's on the (U.S.) team. I ain't 
goin'." -- Shaq, on Mike Bibby.

"If this is not micromanaging, I need to look up the [word] again." -- Kwame, 
on Doug Collins' handling of him.

"Just too much Chauncey Billups tonight. He made me want to throw up." -- 
Phil Jackson.

"He did interview me once, in New Jersey. He comes across as a bitter person. 
Someone who does not like life. Like Gerry Fraley from the Dallas Morning 
News, who never seems to have anything positive to say about anything. Kinda 
sad." -- Mark Cuban, on ESPN.com's Charley Rosen.

"I would tell any free agent not to sign with them because you can't trust 
anyone in upper management. If you're in the room with them and you plan to walk 
out, you better face them backing out so you won't get stabbed in the back." 
-- Bimbo Coles, on the Cavaliers organization.

"It would be an honor. With my luck, though, I might not get the chance. 
They'll probably ask Andre Miller." -- Stephon Marbury, on the possibility of 
being asked to play on the Olympic team.

"He's white normally, but he's really white now." -- Larry Brown, on Keith 
Van Horn being sick.

"Maybe I'm just always thinking." -- Troy Hudson, on why he rarely talks.

"It'll never happen. I might push one of my guys down there to help her out, 
but it won't be me." -- Byron Scott, on whether or not he would help out if 
someone forgot the words to the national anthem at a Nets game.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you going to Kansas University? The 
girls down there are much hotter. You belong there." -- Larry Eustachy, Iowa State 
basketball coach, to a female student at Kansas State University.  (He may be 
a drunk.  He may be a stupid drunk, but he isn't a blind, stupid drunk- TAM)

"Both teams played hard." -- Rasheed Wallace.

"He already kissed an animal." -- Kenny Smith, on Barkley losing the Yao Ming 
bet, forcing him to kiss a donkey to pay his bet.

"Let's not talk about your girl now." -- Charles Barkley.

"We don't make up names, 'The Warriors' or 'Alternatorz' or any of that sh*t. 
We just go out and play." -- Shawn Kemp, on the Magic bench. 

"Red Auerbach taught me a long time ago you never make your enemy 
comfortable, so I was out there with a screwdriver. Evidently, I was successful." -- Don 
Nelson, on the Trailblazers plane breaking down in Dallas after game one in 
the first round of the playoffs. (Wish he'd taught Jim O'Brien as well- TAM)

"I'm a very smart man. I speak when it's time to speak." -- Doug Collins.

"You've gone plum damn goofy on the first night." -- Barkley, after Kenny 
Smith said that Yao Ming is the best player in Houston.

"That guy's got hot breath just like Kenny." -- Barkley, after TNT aired a 
shot of a male Hawaiian dancer with fire in his mouth.

"I'm not Nostradamus or anybody, so I don't know. Luckily, this is the worst 
injury I've had in my career so far." -- Drew Gooden, on the severity of his 
toe injury.

"We buried the hatchet a couple of years ago, and if I ran into him, I'd 
offer him a beer." -- Scottie Pippen, on his relationship with Jerry Krause.

"I forgive him. He's my teammate, he made a mistake, and I can't retaliate, 
trying to fight him or beat him up, because I'm on probation, so I would get in 
trouble." -- Ruben Patterson, forgiving, sort of, Zach Randolph.

"Me as a backup center? Hell no." -- Dikembe Mutombo, on possibly coming off 
the bench for the Nets during the playoffs.

"I still have my quickness, but I turn it on and off. I don't want to fail in 
anything I do and that's why I'm hard on myself." -- Kenny Anderson. (Yep, 
that's our Kenny- TAM)

"It's very hard. You have to prepare for it. A lot of people say, 'I can do 
this, I can do that.' But that's hard. You're looking into a camera and you're 
not seeing anybody. You've got to talk to people that you can't see. That's 
the toughest part." -- Tim Hardaway, on his work as an ESPN studio analyst.

"If it was a statement from Michael Jordan or Larry Bird, you take it 
seriously. But you're talking about Chucky Atkins. It doesn't carry any weight." -- 
Jason Kidd, after Chucky Atkins said the Nets would always be second fiddle to 
the Knicks.

"I never said that San Antonio had all these fat women. That has been 
bothering me. All these women who think I said they were fat, I apologize. Then when 
I go to Dallas people tell me that I have nothing good to say about Dallas. 
First of all I think Dallas has a good team. I feel bad they think that. You 
think LA has the best-looking women in the crowd... they do, but they are not 
real ... they are made out of plastic. For normal women, who have their own God 
given bodies, Dallas has the best looking women in the NBA. Unfortunately, I am 
not going to get to see anymore of them in Dallas." -- Barkley.

"Look at my teeth. While I was growing up, I was unable to get the work on my 
teeth done that I needed. So the goal is to take care of kids who can't 
afford to go to the dentist." -- Eric Williams, on why he's starting a charity 
foundation.

"It was fabricated by someone in the media. It was very convenient it came 
out the day of the game. It was a...comment started by someone in the Pistons' 
organization to get them fired up. I heard I said it on TV. I heard I said it 
on the radio. I heard I said it in a Houston newspaper. There hasn't been 
anybody that can tell me where it came from." -- Richard Jefferson, after being 
played a tape of him saying that Detroit is the most overrated team in the 
Eastern Conference.

"Nothing. I was confused for two years. I didn't understand anything and I'm 
still confused." -- Gregg Popovich, on what he learned in his two years as an 
assistant to Don Nelson.

"In Turkey, the media wait for you outside. You go down to them, in tunnel, 
and sometimes, people are yelling and throwing things. They throw coins. I get 
hit in the head -- bleeding. There is blood." -- Mehmet Okur.  

"I got theories with this woman, this Joumana Kidd who wants to be a TV star. 
She wants face time on camera. The great way to get face time is to bring the 
cute, little precocious kid. Oh, great. I'd like to smack her." -- Bob Ryan, 
sports columnist for the Boston Globe.

"Not being able to rebound better was a thorn in our foot." -- Gary Payton. 
(Hey Gary, I can sympathize- TAM)

"Meet me in the parking lot, I will kick your ass." -- Scottie Pippen, to a 
Blazers season ticket holder. (See Antoine.  That's how the old pro's do it- 
TAM)

"We could use a little more strength at the five position, the four position 
and shooting and point guard position." -- Danny Ainge. (That does look pretty 
funny in print- TAM)

"When Boston and Orlando told me they were going to pick me at 21 and 22, I 
figured I don't need to do a workout for a second-round team. Boston and 
Orlando never drafted me because they said I was too skinny and no European point 
guard will make it in the League." -- Tony Parker.

"I kind of knew Cleveland was going to get the No. 1 pick. I think they 
rigged it. No, don't quote me on that." -- Carmelo Anthony.

"Sometimes I look like I was under interrogation. Some people just don't look 
good in clothes. In New York, Armani and all those clothing people used to 
call me up and tried to pay me not to wear their clothes. This is as good as 
it's going to get...and then it's all downhill. I'll be fine. I never feel as bad 
as I look." -- Jeff Van Gundy.

"You hate white people, you hate Americans and you think you're smarter than 
everyone else." -- Jerry Sloan, to Jon Amaechi, according to Amaechi.

"To behold the unexpected amount of Spurs fans in the stands of the SBC 
Center, wearing black-and-white shirts with the No. 20, seems like a dream," -- 
Miguel Romano, columnist for Argentinian newspaper La Nacisn.

"The best day of my life was when I turned 25. That's the day my car 
insurance went down. Yeah, boy, I saved $1,200 that day." -- Stephen Jackson. (Hey, 
with junior in college and a senior in high school, I can  relate to that- TAM)

"[LeBron] was banging those little boys around in high school, but once he 
goes against the men, they're going to beat his butt and make him cry." -- 
ESPN's Charley Rosen.  (Brilliant! That's why he gets the big bucks to write for 
ESPN- TAM)

http://www.slamonline.com/links/

TAM