Finding The Celtics A Power Forward: The Candidates

[Way Of The Ray <wayray@ix.netcom.com>]

1. Nickoloz Tskitishvilli - The best power forward you've never heard of
and whose name
you can't pronounce. An 18-year old, 6-11-and-still-growing Georgian,
who is better
than Gasol (they claim), and  likes to drink raw eggs and visit Mexico
for the
hookers.

Prognosis: Will have to trade up to draft him, sure-fire lottery pick if
he makes himself
eligible.

2. Amare Stoudamire - Has a real convoluted personal history. Can't
remember whether
his mother's in jail, his father's in jail, or both, or what school he's
at this week, but he's
viewed as a young Shawn Kemp, so top six in the draft.

Prognosis: Another guy they will have to trade up for.


3. Sani Ibrahim - 6-10, Oak Hill Academy. Great athlete. Climbed Mt.
Everest
when he was 3. Has terrific shooting range, more advanced than former
Oak Hiller Diop,
but doesn't always show up for games.

Prognosis: Possibly available, when the C's are on the board.
Athlete/shooter
that Wallace loves.

4. Maybyner Hillario - Brazil's version of Jermaine O'Neal has the
world's largest
bikini collection and naked pictures of Richard Simmons.

Prognosis: Look for this great athlete/rebounder/shotblocker's stock to
soar
during the draft. So a trade up.

5. Anderson Varejao - Another Brazilian. He's in the mold of Tom
Chambers.
More all-around skills and shooting range than Hillario, and a
good rebounder to boot.  Defense needs a little work. Currently playing
center
and running a white slavery ring in Spain.

Prognosis: A very interesting prospect. Definitely someone you scout and

draft.

6. Emeka Okafor - Nicknamed "Enema" by his teammates, Connecticut's 6-9
freshman is the second coming of Antonio McDyess.

Prognosis: Yet another guy whose stock should soar during draft. Offense
needs work,
shotblocking and rebounding are terrific.

7. Lee Benson - Brown Mackie's 6-11 hoop phenom, ex-con, and a former
major
drug dealer, is leading all Division II schools in scoring. Compared to
Kevin Garnett,
but after 8 years in the Big House, his skillz are rusty.

Prognosis: A definite first-rounder. Likely available when the C's are
drafting.

8. Darius Songaila - Songaila, whose name in Lithuanian means: '"time to
wash
my underwear" is in the mold of a better rebounding Vlad Radmanovich,
but not
as athletic.

Prognosis: Late first, early second. So, he's there for the taking.

9. Melvin Ely - This 6-10 shotblocker is one of the few Tarkanian
players who hasn't been photographed in a hot tub with organized crime
figures.
 Ely's an overrated rebounder, but good inside scorer.

Prognosis: Top 15 of draft, and will play both Center and PF.

10. Drew Gooden - This Kansan likes to build things with pancake batter
in
his spare time, and is very reminiscent in style of Joe Smith.

Prognosis: Top 6 pick in the draft.

11. Mike Sweetney - From Georgetown and their great lineage of Big Men.
Very strong, he once bench-pressed both of Dolly Parton's breasts.

Prognosis: This Charles Oakley-like intelligent thug goes somewhere in
the first round and is a player that should intrigue the C's.


Others to ponder: Sam Clancy,  Marcus Haislip, Carlos Boozer, Marvin
Stone, Luis Scola,
Paul Davis, Kei Madison....

Ray