1999 Lifehouse interviews part 4

[Ken in MD <seahawkman2001@xxxxxxxxx>]

Transcribed in Dec. 1999 by FionaP
 
Subject: PT i/v BBC 'Hard Talk' (part 2) 
 
I: It was a huge boost wasnt it?  Being on the stage,
the ego was massive, 
the adrenaline was massive and yet somehow when you
were playing in 
concerts, I think you said you felt distant from it.

P: You do make the assumption that there was
adrenaline and ego.  I - I 
think maybe because I hung around in showbusiness so
much when I was a child 
- even today I mean The Who have just done some
concerts for Charity in 
America and it was very much like old times and
everybody was saying it was 
fantastic and how do you feel - you must feel great
and I just felt OK.  
Its never really set me afire.  Ive always felt
happy backstage, Ive 
always felt comfortable backstage, Ive never been
turned on, or frightened, 
or nervous about being a performer so its never had
the kind of ... it has 
never really fed my ego.  What has fed my ego has been
.. people saying to 
me that my work, my writing, my creative work has
touched them and changed 
them and expressed things that they otherwise couldnt
express.  That is 
what has given my ego trouble (Smiles).  Because then
what happens is you 
start to think I know whats in your head and of
course you dont - you 
only know whats in your head.  I say whats in my
head and if you happen to 
identify with it - you say to me how did you know
what was in my head? and 
I have to honestly say I had no idea.

I: I remember you being asked whether you were ever
nervous on stage and I 
think you replied that you repressed your feelings and
one of the ways that 
you repressed your feelings was through alcohol which
became a huge problem.

P: I certainly - I didnt drink because I was nervous
- no but I - I 
certainly used alcohol to repress my feelings - or if
not repress them to .. 
medicate them.

I: (Laughs)

P: Everybody does dont they and I think ...
..
I: My wife says thats whats so awful about living
with me is that when 
things are going well its the signal for a manic
self-destructive act - is 
that true?  Its what youre quoted as saying.

P: um...

I: Is there this streak of self destruction?

P: There probably was once I hope that Ive managed to
deal with that, you 
know, I - I - in the last five or six years Ive been
in constant - not 
therapy or analysis - but Ive been in constant
counselling of various 
different sorts, you know, a lot of it has been to do
with er - with 
partnerships with um behavioural things - and I tried
to - and I tried also 
to deal with some of my disaffections and difficulties
in a spiritual way.

I: You were religious werent you? You were Christian?

P: I was Christian, yeh - and - and er, you know, in
the 60s like everybody 
else I got involved in Indian mysticism, I followed
and still am very very 
passionate about an Indian teacher from that time
called Meher Baba and but 
.. whats been great for me is that my mother is
still alive and like me 
she stopped drinking around the time that my father
died in the late 80s.

I: Youve always been close havent you?

P: You know, well we havent really ...

I: Its a complex relationship.

P: Yes (Laughs) a complex relationship - now we are
close - shes actually 
now - shes been very ... (sighs) shes been
fantastically generous, shes 
.. sat with me and talked me through my childhood,
you know, and its 
better than therapy because shes been very very brave
and when shes been 
guilty of some omission or, you know well actually
yes what I did was I 
left you with my mother and went off with my lover for
a dirty weekend in 
Skegness, you know, she tells me and she expects me to
- to scream at her 
but what I say is thank you because I remember that
weekend, I remember 
it, I remember every weekend, I remember every
occasion when my mother left 
me - when I was a tiny child.

I: You really do still want to know what happened to
you.

P: I do now know - I know what happened because my
mother told me - all I 
had to was ask her - I had to ask her the right
questions and be brave 
enough to receive the answers and when I got the
answers it was greatly 
helpful to me - so Ive been very lucky - I would have
loved to have done 
the same thing with my father.  Whether he would have
been as gutsy as my 
Mum I dont know - but er my Mums a great woman, you
know, she has come a - 
and I feel now that you know I live life in parallel
with her which is a 
great feeling to have.

I: And youre happy to be in your 50s - I think you
said you were reborn in 
a way.

P: Yeh I think thats true.
..
http://www.igtc.com/archives/thewho/1999/Dec/msg00210.html
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