"Netiquette" (No WHO content)

WF (and everybody else), re:

>On the other hand, there's a LOT of nice people out here who know a bit
better than "I Want", "Give Me!", "I Need!". Unfortunately, sometimes they
get a bit scared off by the "crossfire" and don't understand some of the
background of these "discussions". I was recently e-mailing a very nice
person who thought I was going to "bite", if she/he asked or said something
to me and found out there was nothing to be "afraid of"...

You hit the nail on the head.  I mean, why do we all spend our time posting
and reading if not to SHARE information?  We all give our opinions, and pass
along the things we know FREELY-- nobody is MAKING us do this.  We do it
because we WANT to share.  It's when somebody DEMANDS that we share that we
get upset.  And so we send angry messages that say, in effect, "Don't tell me
what to do!", which we have EVERY RIGHT to do.  Unfortunately, this causes
some people, people who HAVE something to contribute to become afraid of
raising their own questions lest THEY become the target of the angry
messages, NOT EVEN KNOWING exactly what it was that caused the angry message
to be sent off in the first place--only that John@Doe asked SOME question
that caused Richard@Roe to explode.

So to help THOSE people out, here are MY ideas on what is proper
"netiquette".  Feel free to expand or clarify or downright dispute what
follows--this is MY opinion that I am SHARING because I WANT to:

What exactly is the difference between REASONABLE and UNREASONABLE?  Let's
start with QUESTIONS--requests for INFORMATION, not PHYSICAL THINGS.

An important difference is HOW you make the request.  Compare
"Hey John@Doe, you mentioned the new Entwistle album.  Any idea how I could
find a copy of that?"
and
"Tell me where I can get a copy of the new Entwistle album."

I know that's a little exaggerated, but you get the idea.  There's a
difference between ASKING and ORDERING.

So let's say John@Doe posts you back that Importer X is importing the album.
 But you still don't quite understand how YOU can get it.  Before sending
your next message, ask yourself a simple question:  COULD this person answer
my question?  So if your follow-up question is "WHAT record stores in my town
do business with this importer?", and you live in Anchorage, the answer is
probably NO, this person could NOT answer my question.  But if your follow-up
question is "HOW can I find out which record stores in my town do business
with this importer," or better still, "How can *I* get in touch with this
importer," then the answer is probably YES, this person COULD answer my
question.  That is a REASONABLE question.

But, some might say, If John@Doe knows the importer he COULD call him and
find out who his customers in Anchorage are.  So why can't you ask him to do
that?  Here's another important question to ask yourself:  COULD I find this
information myself?  You now know who the importer is, so YES, you can call
him and find the information out yourself.

But what if you ask a polite question, a REASONABLE question and the person
turns you down?  That person has a right to do so.  ALWAYS take no for an
answer.  Some people ARE assholes. Sad fact, but true.  Becoming beligerant
and CALLING them an asshole doesn't change that a bit, and it won't get you
any closer to the information you are seeking.  Let it drop.

So to recap, here are my brief rules for requests for information:
1.)  Ask politely, don't order.
2.)  Ask yourself, COULD this person answer my question?
3.)  Ask yourself, COULD I find this information myself?
4.)  Always take no for an answer

That's all I care to SHARE right now.  Later we'll discuss how to ask for
THINGS and FAVORS, assuming anyone has any interest in my continuing.

Yes sir, no sir, permission to speak sir. . .
AThosWhite