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[Fwd: Barking Spider - My Car Speaks For Itself]
- Subject: [Fwd: Barking Spider - My Car Speaks For Itself]
- From: collier <collier@iglou.com>
- Date: Fri, 27 Jun 1997 22:06:52 -0400
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christopher n. collier
collier@iglou.com
Head Master and
Midwest Regional Master
GTI Club of North America
97 GLX VR6
White, Badgeless, Zer Cup Spoiler, Tinted Front Blinkers, Tinted Side
Blinkers, Neuspeed P-Flow, Custom Neuspeed Chip, Schrick Intake
Manifold, Neuspeed Upper Strut Tie-Bar, Neuspeed 25mm Front Swaybar,
Neuspeed 28mm Rear Swaybar, Spax 24-Way Adj. Suspension, Autopower 6-Pt.
Full Roll Cage, Toyo Proxes T1's 205/50zr15 For Street, BFGoodrich Comp
TA R1's 205/50zr15 For Autocross, Clarion 6-Disc Changer, Weather Tech
Trunk Liner, Stay Tuned More Mods Coming Your Way.....................
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Date: Fri, 27 Jun 1997 19:03:30 -0500
From: "Leah J. Dorfman" <Leah.J.Dorfman-1@tc.umn.edu>
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To: chris collier <collier@iglou.com>
Subject: Barking Spider - My Car Speaks For Itself
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is this the car page you had told me about a long time ago?? very
funny...
pickle
http://www.winn.com/pwinn/humor/fcars.html
- --
leah jane dorfman
dorf0004@tc.umn.edu
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<html><head><title>Barking Spider - My Car Speaks For Itself</title></head>
<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="blue" alink="white" vlink="red">
<table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="5" cellpadding="0">
<tr valign="top">
<td>
<center><h1>My Car Speaks For Itself</h1></center>
<p>
Does your car make a statement? Probably so. Here's a list of cars and the
statements they make on their drivers' behalf.
<dl>
<dt>Acura Integra
<dd>I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
<dt>Acura Legendary
<dd>I'm too bland for German cars.
<dt>Acura NSX
<dd>I am impotent.
<dt>AMC Gremlin
<dd>I could only afford three-fourths of a Hornet.
<dt>AMC Marlin
<dd>My father wouldn' t buy me a Camaro.
<dt>Audi 90
<dd>I enjoy putting out engine fires
<dt>Audi 80
<dd>I thought the 4000s was too fast.
<dt>Austin-Healey 3000
<dd>I can put raw meat on the transmission hump and have a well done steak by the time I arrive anywhere.
<dt>Buick Park Avenue
<dd>I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
<dt>Buick Riviera Convertible
<dd>I'm not very smart, and I look like it too.
<dt>Buick Electra
<dd>Hey, it's 30-year old technology. But it's GOOD 30-year old technology.
<dt>Buick Reatta
<dd>I like ugly, impractical, boring cars.
<dt>Cadillac Cimarron
<dd>I am stupid enough to pay extra money for an uglified Chevrolet.
<dt>Cadillac Eldorado
<dd>I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
<dt>Cadillac Seville
<dd>I am a pimp.
<dt>Chevrolet Camaro
<dd>I enjoy beating up people.
<dt>Chevrolet Chevette
<dd>I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.
<dt>Chevrolet Corvette
<dd>I'm in a mid-life crisis.
<dt>Chevrolet El Camino
<dd>I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.
<dt>Chrysler 5th Ave
<dd>Did the pushpins come free with the headliner?
<dt>Chrysler Cordoba
<dd>I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
<dt>Datsun 280Z
<dd>I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
<dt>Dodge Charger
<dd>Reliable is boring. My car is exciting.
<dt>Dodge Dart
<dd>I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.
<dt>Dodge Daytona
<dd>I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
<dt>Ford Fairmont
<dd>(See Dodge Dart)
<dt>Ford Mustang
<dd>I slow down to 85 in school zones.
<dt>Ford Crown Victoria
<dd>I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.
<dt>Geo Storm
<dd>I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.
<dt>Geo Tracker
<dd>I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.
<dt>Honda del Sol
<dd>I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.
<dt>Honda Civic
<dd>I have just graduated and have no credit.
<dt>Honda Accord
<dd>I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
<dt>Infiniti Q45
<dd>I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
<dt>Isuzu Impulse
<dd>I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.
<dt>Jaguar XJ6
<dd>I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
<dt>Jeep Wrangler
<dd>I am fiercely independent, just like all my friends with Jeeps.
<dt>Kia Sephia
<dd>I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu.
<dt>Lotus Esprit
<dd>Ever pay $2000 for a tune up? I do.
<dt>Lincoln Town Car
<dd>I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
<dt>Mercedes 500SL
<dd>I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
<dt>Mazda Miata
<dd>I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.
<dt>MGB
<dd>I am dating a mechanic.
<dt>Mitsubishi Diamante
<dd>I don't know what it means either.
<dt>Mitsubishi Eclipse GST
<dd>Why accelerate? Because you can!
<dt>Nissan 300ZX
<dd>I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
<dt>Oldsmobile Cutlass
<dd>I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.
<dt>Peugeot 505 Diesel
<dd>I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.
<dt>Plymouth Fury
<dd>I like driving an air-conditioned sofa that can carry your car in my trunk as a spare.
<dt>Plymouth Neon
<dd>I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
<dt>Pontiac Trans AM
<dd>I have a switchblade in my sock.
<dt>Porsche 944
<dd>I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.
<dt>Renault 2CV
<dd>I think your car is ugly too.
<dt>Rolls Royce Silver Shadow
<dd>I think Pat Buchanan is a tad too liberal.
<dt>Subaru Legacy
<dd>I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.
<dt>Triumph TR6
<dd>I am an amateur mechanic who enjoys a challenge.
<dt>Toyota Camry
<dd>I am still in the closet.
<dt>Volkswagon Beetle
<dd>I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
<dt>Volkswagon Cabriolet
<dd>I am out of the closet.
<dt>VW Rabbit GTi
<dd>My mom won't let me buy a Porsche 'til I finish Algebra.
<dt>VW Jetta
<dd>I stopped smoking pot when I got a real job after college. I swear.
<dt>Volkswagon Microbus
<dd>I am tripping right now.
<dt>Volvo 740 Wagon
<dd>I am frightened of my wife.
<dt>Volvo 240
<dd>Other drivers are unsafe. Let me go ahead and pull out in front of this guy to slow him down.
</dl>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</body>
</html>
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