Bulpett: Baker In Denial

[wayray@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]

Basketball is the least of his concerns
By Steve Bulpett/The NBA
Wednesday, January 7, 2004


There have been difficult days for Vin Baker in the past, but
perhaps none like the next several. The pressures that have exacerbated
his alcoholism and emotional issues are prepared to close in on him the
moment his guard is let down.

In addition to his self-disappointment, there are practical swords
of Damocles that hang closer now. If Vin Baker tests positive for
alcohol again this season, the Celtics can suspend him and fine him up
to half his remaining wage for the season. Sources said yesterday the
club took nearly half of what he had left coming when he was removed
from the roster in February.

And if that happens, there are those involved both with Baker and
the Celtics who wonder if he will ever again play in the NBA. The
pressures, they say, won't be going away, and the NBA lifestyle, with
its physical and psychological toll and nights alone on the road, will
never be conducive to a person seeking to recover from substance abuse.
And if things have been tough for Baker now, what manners of hellish
pressure await him if the Celtics make the postseason?

As well as things seemed to have gone for Baker until the recent
demise of his game, there has been suspicion around the team for a
while that he had fallen off the wagon. Baker was reportedly questioned
at one point when seen doing something so simple as gargling with
mouthwash.

The bottom line is that there is doubt around the Celtics that
this failed test is the first time Vin Baker has taken a drink this
season.

The other bottom line is that nine of every 10 people who enter
alcohol rehab relapse at some point. It is clearly not unexpected and,
in fact, is seen as an unfortunate part of the recovery process.

But the operative question is what Vin Baker sees. Experts say he
should be taking his plight with perspective, recognizing that his
emotional problems and the way alcohol feeds the monster are powerful
opponents. He should be accepting that he is fated to imperfection by
the mere fact he is a human being.

Instead, according to some very close to him, Vin Baker sees only
the pressure. Pressure to perform. Pressure to be liked. Pressure to
say the right thing. Pressure to please the fans.

``Vin can be two different people,'' said one source. ``He says
the right things, but the truth is he's still blaming everyone but
himself. He has to get to the point where he likes himself, and I don't
think he's close to that yet.''

Alcoholism is a terribly insidious disease, and it would be hard
enough if that is all Vin Baker were dealing with here. But there is
more. Sources confirmed again yesterday that he is suffering from
psychological issues, as well. That fact was written here last June,
but Baker denied it in a story later in the summer.

``I knew this was going to be a long, hard recovery for him when I
read that,'' said one who is close to Baker. ``I think part of it was
that he thought that's what the person asking him the question wanted
to hear, but the other part is that he doesn't want to believe he has a
depression problem. And that's what really scares people who are trying
to get him well. Even if he somehow manages to keep away from alcohol,
the depression issues are always going to get him in the end if he
doesn't admit it to himself and treat it.''

So much talk is spent on deciding which came first, the depression
or the alcoholism, but that is such wasted breath. They are both here
now, and to deny either's presence is to invite peril.

Like any alcoholic, Vin Baker has become proficient at denial.
With constant practice and a partnership with the bottle, he improved
to the point where he had conned himself. If he is wise now, he'll get
honest with the person in the mirror in time to save his own life.