Warning, Off, Off, Topic: Joe Lavin's Humor Column

[wfcooper@tiac.com (Bill Cooper)]

This really has nothing to do with the C's, but it does prominently
discuss the writings of Caoch P. and I found it rather funny.

Bill C.
wfcooper@tiac.com

>Not Reading Pitino is a Choice
>by Joe Lavin
>
>(A slightly different version of this originally appeared in Worcester
>Magazine.) 
>
>Let me just say up-front that I like Boston Celtic basketball coach Rick
>Pitino. He is one of the best basketball coaches around, but, Coach, I have
>just one small request. Stop writing the books. Please. 
>
>Pitino's "Success is a Choice" is the latest in a string of sports/business
>books which include Pat Riley's "The Winner Within," Phil Jackson's "Sacred
>Hoops," Bill Parcells' "Finding a Way to Win," and Barry Switzer's "Trying
>to Make Sure Your Players Don't Get Arrested Like All the Time."
>
>These coaches are no longer content to write merely about the X's and O's of
>sports. No, instead, they have a more important agenda. These books are
>about how to succeed in life, how to motivate the workforce, and how lessons
>learned from the world of sports can be applied to the world of business. 
>
>This is clearly unfortunate. Think about it. Do you really want your boss to
>use a coach as a role model?
>
>"No, TWO-SIDED, you @#$%!!!! What the @#$% were you thinking you @#$%ing
>moron? Get back to your @#$%ing desk! Tammy, go in for Bob at the
>photocopier, and don't you @#$%ing screw up either, or I'll ship your ass
>outta here so fast you won't know what the @#$% hit you!"
>
>Well, I suppose coaches do more than just yell. They also teach. 
>
>"Bob, you gotta work on this photocopying. It's dragging the whole office
>down. I want you to stay after work and practice the fundamentals, okay?
>Here make 500 copies of this collated on 3-hole paper. And if you get it
>right, then maybe I'll let you photocopy for real."
>
>"Okay, Coach."
>
>Something tells me that if enough supervisors take lessons from coaches,
>we'll probably all turn into Latrell Sprewells.
>
>But the real problem is this: the lessons learned from the world of sports
>just can't be applied to the real world. (You remember the real world,
>Coach. You know, that complex thing where people don't play for a living.)
>The real world and sports have nothing in common. It would be just as
>efficient to have an accountant write a book about basketball. 
>
>"Chapter Six: How accounts payable knowledge can be applied to the execution
>of the fast break."
>
>One of Pitino's favorite themes is the importance of motivation, and I have
>to hand it to him. He is an impressive motivator. After all, he somehow
>managed to motivate a publisher into publishing this crappy book in the
>first place. That right there is a major motivational coup in itself. 
>
>But I still don't understand what he can teach us about motivation. Just
>because Rick Pitino can motivate a seven foot basketball player who has been
>dreaming of the NBA all his life doesn't mean he can motivate some slacker
>in the mail room. "Come on. Let's win one for the team." simply won't cut it
>in the mail room. Sure, there may be a few Sprewells and Rodmans in the NBA,
>but for the most part NBA players are only upset when they are not allowed
>to do their job. 
>
>"Look, Coach, I'm a much better copier than Tammy. You've got to put me back
>on the machine. I've earned it." is not something you'll ever hear in the
>office. Trust me. 
>
>But then again, Coach Pitino wouldn't know about job malaise. Its very
>notion is completely alien to him. Here's a man who clearly loves his job.
>He is constantly babbling about staying late after work, working the
>weekends, and preparing for the next day's work the night before. And while
>at work, all the other distractions of life must be ignored. 
>
>"An athlete. . . wouldn't think of showing up for an eight o'clock game at
>seven fifty-five. . . . What you should be doing is arriving at work a half
>an hour earlier and getting all of your social conversations out of the way,
>getting your newspaper read and getting your coffee poured, so that when the
>workday starts you'll be ready. . . . When the workday is in progress that
>should be where all your energy is focused."
>
>It's a lovely plan, but you have to wonder how many others will be at work a
>half hour early every day. "Hey, where is everyone? I have to get my social
>conversations out of the way before the workday is in progress. Guys?"
>
>Even when you do succeed, Pitino won't let you relax. This is the same man
>who held a meeting with his coaches at seven in the morning the day after
>his Kentucky team won the national championship. Hard work is not only the
>impetus of his system. It may also be the reward.  
>
>Still, if you follow his "ten steps to overachieving in business and life,"
>Pitino firmly believes you can accomplish practically anything. You can lose
>weight. You can grab that promotion. You can motivate lazy teenagers. ("You
>know the type: poor grades, earrings or noserings, dyed hair.") Hell, you
>can even write wise ass attacks on popular sports figures like Coach Pitino.
>
>
>But, of course, successful wise ass attacks don't just come overnight. You
>have to earn your success through hard work, putting in those extra hours so
>that your wise ass attack on Coach Pitino can be the best wise ass attack on
>Coach Pitino ever. 
>
>And so as I reach the end of this article, we should remember that in wise
>ass attacks -- just as in basketball -- the time to put up your best effort
>is at the end. Sure, there may be more pressure writing the conclusion, but
>I know I cannot be afraid of that pressure. Instead, I must thrive on it.
>Yes, it's time to put my best foot forward and work extra hard to create an
>absolute zinger of an ending, an ending that's so completely entertaining
>and informative that --
>
>Aw, screw it. I think I'll just go grab a beer instead. Wanna join me?
>
>
>__________
>Copyright 1998 by Joe Lavin
>
>Joe Lavin's Humor Column is published every Tuesday at:
>
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>
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>Some Related Columns:
>
>May 30, 1997
>Winning By Numbers: The Accountant's Guide to Basketball
>http://joelavin.com/bball.html
>
>December 30, 1997
>Laziness is a Choice
>http://joelavin.com/lazy.html
>
>
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>