Excerpts from Brenie Lincicome colume

[bocelts@scsn.net (R. Bentz Kirby)]

On April 16, 1997, the Chicago Tribune columnist, Bernie Linicome had a
funny column that can be found at:

http://www.chicago.tribune.com/sports/bernie/70516.htm

My favorite parts are as follows:

IN THE WAKE OF THE NEWS

Bernie Lincicome

                                  Hold for release . . .
                                   and keep holding

                     Web posted: Friday, May 16, 1997

                          ress releases I expect to be showing up any
day now:

                     A spokesman for Rupert Murdoch confirmed that
Murdoch has joined
                     the bidding for Bulls basketball coach Phil
Jackson, offering $100
                     million for five years.

                     ``Mr. Murdoch is not sure what Mr. Jackson does,
actually,'' the
                     spokesman said. ``He only knows that anything so
much in demand
                     must be valuable, and as is his nature, Mr. Murdoch
must have it.''

                     A source close to the negotiations said that when
Murdoch learned
                     that Jerry Reinsdorf did not want Jackson, that was
good enough for
                     him.

A research project similar to the one that determined University of
                     Florida supporters are more turned on by pictures
of Gator football
                     than by erotic images is being conducted to find
out if this is also true
                     for fans of the Green Bay Packers, except instead
of racy
                     photographs, researchers are offering summer
sausage.

As part of the incentive to get Rick Pitino away from Kentucky, the
                     Boston Celtics have agreed to remove all pre-Pitino
championship
                     basketball banners from the rafters of their arena.

                     The Celtics promise never again to mention Red
Auerbach unless it is
                     in a eulogy, will tear up the parquet floor and
replace it with terrazzo
                     and will hereafter refer to Pitino as King Ricky
the Last.

                     ``I've always said it is not about the money,''
Pitino said.

                     Despite his exalted and unprecedented status,
Pitino still plans to
                     coach out of both sides of his mouth.

The Cubs have been given permission to plant seeds that will turn into
                     trees that will grow large enough to be made into
pulp that can be aged
                     into paper on which can be printed World Series
tickets.

The rematch between Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson has been
                     postponed again and will not be rescheduled until
Holyfield promises
                     not to hit Tyson so often or so hard.

Personally, I love this column.

Go Celts, we want NOs. 1 & 2.

Peace,
Bentz