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Re: phoenix disappointment - What I was/am looking for.....



	>From: Sroundtable@
	>Subject: Re: phoenix disappointment 
>
>Kevin:
>
>Thank you for this account of your heart-felt experience.  A riveting read, not rambling at all.

See, this is nice!
That's all Schrade from Switzerland was saying!


I think I've finally figured out what it is I was hoping to accomplish at Phoenix House.  My wife and I sat on our back porch for well over an hour last night (rare to find that kind of time these days) picking through my porous mind to try and wrangle my feelings.

The premise is that Pete entered/visited (WHAT EVER!) these sites for his own reasons, not in hopes of combating these sorts of sites, thus the "research for my autobiography" defense.

With that in mind, what Pete did, in the eyes of Abuse Victims, is to selfishly enter and contribute to this industry to try and find some sort of understanding to his own feared sexual abuse.
Now, when we try and figure out what sort of understanding he possibly could have gained, we're at a loss.  Really, what possibly could he have gained?
Even if he was sexually "abused" by his Grandmother, or some visitor of his Grandmothers', is it even close to the scale of child porn?  Child rape?
Who knows.  I'm not speculating.  Just presenting a train of thought here.

So, with all that in mind, what I believe I was hoping to find were some people at Phoenix House, those who would *know*, who would be sympathetic to Pete's intentions of researching his own sexual abuse.
It's possible.
But, at this point, all I'm hearing from abuse victims is anything but sympathy.  
So, it would seem, unless I find otherwise, that victims, the very people Pete has been advocating for, firmly believe that Pete crossed the line and needs to understand their point of view.

What I can't fully escape, because I just can't understand at this point what this "research" was to accomplish, is that there was *perhaps* some sort of intellectual curiosity (which gets a bit slimy and icky and quite uncomfortable to think about) going on.

If that is somehow even remotely the case, then is being put on a list of sex offenders really that far fetched?
The judicial system in the UK, the US, and the victims don't seem to believe so.

My thoughts, as best I can arrange them at the moment.

Kevin in VT