There's BIG and then there's BIIIIIIG

[Ryan, Patrick S Maj RES USAFR 439 MSG]

"RING, RING"

 

"Wyc, dude, hey it's Dan"

 

"Dan who?"

 

"Ainge! You know, ultra - GM, best drafter ever, the leader of your team"

 

"Oh, that Dan. Sorry. I was hoping it was Danny Terrio - did you know we
have dancers this year?"

 

"It's DENNY Terrio...and yes, I know about the dancers. I just got back from
lunch with Niednagel and I've got something to tell you."

 

"Neidnagel, Niednagel...that's the guy you had me sign from West Virginia
right?"

 

"No! That's Pittsnogle and trust me, he's be the next Brad Lohaus!  Listen,
I've got great news..."

 

"Denny, sorry to interrupt, but how is Brad anyway? He's part of your Mormon
cult too right?"

 

"Danny! It's Danny, dammit and my religion is not a cult! Listen, I have
outstanding news will you please just wait a second."

 

"Oh, Niednagel, the guy who keeps giving me those Myers-Briggs tests and
asking me what letters I am. I'm an ISTR you know."

 

Faint sounds of escaping steam on the other end of the phone.

 

"Wyc, shut up for a second, I think I can get another super-basketball
smart, Larry Bird type to come play for us. He'll fit perfectly with
Scalabrine making us the smartest team in the NBA."

 

"Oooh, I always cheered for Bird when he was here. He was good. You're
telling me we can get another guy like him?"

 

"Yes! I just got a call from Drew Rosenhaus and we can get Keith Van Horn!
Niednagel said he's the same brain type as Bird, Jordan, and Scalabrine!"

 

"Van Horn, isn't he in that cult too?"

 

"FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S NOT A CULT! And, umm, well, yeah, he's mormon too,
but that's not the point."

 

"Denny, don't you think it's well, fishy, that the only free agents we seem
to sign are slow, white, brainy cultists? I mean, I'm trying to sell a
product here - lots of jumbotron, dancers, and loud pop music during
timeouts - we have very astute fans here and we have to give them what they
seem to want - lots of flash and little substance.  By the way did you hear
Paris Hilton got arrested for DUI? I wonder if she'll take my calls now. The
Maloof brothers and Cuban get all the attention."

 

"Wyc, Wyc, focus here. For the last time I will not allow any more
insensitive religious comments. Secondly, you're not grasping my point. Big
time free agents want to come to Boston!"

 

"Big time free agents! Really!? Who - Shaq? Kobe? LeBron? Melo? Oooooh,
maybe we can get Iverson?"

 

"I JUST told you - KEITH VAN HORN!!!!"

 

"Who's he?"

 

CLICK