Still Pissed At Pete - My Pheonix House disapointment

["Kevin O'Neal" <kevinandt@xxxxxxxxx>]

>From: "Schrade, Scott"
>Subject: Re: The Mall Analogy / Still Pissed At Pete
>
>I gotta admit, after letting my initial reaction subside, I'm still up-
>set with Pete.  Who but himself does he have the right to be pissed at?
>All his troubles lead back to one act:  him entering his credit card to
>access an illegal child porn site.
>
>I know we've rehashed this over & over.....but I must admit - I'm not
>totally in Pete's corner on this one.  In fact, I'm nowhere near it.

I have to admit that after Keet's suggestion that the initial anger was
somehow the result of being a parent, and would soon subside (that's not
coming out right, but..), I was hoping that would be true.  It hasn't
happened.
I find myself searching around trying to find something to hold onto.
Something to stem my disappointment and waning respect.
I haven't found it.

I ended up going to our local Phoenix house today after work.  Kind of a
"you're scared, so just do it" thing.
When I got out of my Jeep and started to walk over to the door, I was a
mixed up mess.
Had no clue what I was looking for.
Didn't even know what I was going to say.
My heart was thumping.
I was nervous as shit.
But, I went in anyway.
Walked around a bit, but couldn't find anyone.
I could hear folk upstairs, but I didn't dare leave the entrance/waiting
area.  I called "hello", but no one heard me.
I mulled around, read some of the pamphlets there, and quickly realized that
this house was devoted to recovering addicts.  You know, the ones that give
their money in support of child porn.  (sorry)
I still didn't want to leave.
I still wanted to talk to someone.
I sat on the couch, and read a flyer about all the good Phoenix Houses do
for recovering drug addicts, burn victims, SEXUALLY ABUSED *CHILDREN*.
I sat.
And, sat some more.
I stared out the window overlooking the beautiful mountains.
I could feel all the confusion swirling in my head.
I was hoping someone would come down and find me.
I'm glad they didn't.  I think I would have broken down and cried.
I finally, after about 10 minutes, got up and walked outside.
I mulled around a bit hoping that something would come crashing down on my
head, and would make me see some since.
Nothing.
I walked back over to my Jeep and really felt like I had just left the grave
site of a friend.
I don't know what that means.  But that's the best way I can describe my
feelings.
There was this solemness about the place.  Like real work was going on to
re-enter life.
Anything or anyone who hampered that, would surely be condemned.

I don't know.
I just don't know.

I may try and find a place more suitable to visit around here.
I may, but don't know if I want to subject myself to it.  It's all pretty
depressing to me.

Instead, I just pray that Pete comes back and apologizes.
Yes, apologizes.
And yes, to his fans too.
The idea that we should be exempt from an apology is ridiculous.
After all, for many of us, it is our own life turmoil that had drawn us to
Pete and The Who in the first place.

Sorry for the ramble.

Kevin (mixed up) in VT