[no subject]

'Hope I Die Before I Turn Into Pete Townshend,' Writes
Cobain in One Journal Entry on His Heroin Addiction

In 'Journals' Cobain Talks About His and Courtney
Love's Drug Addiction, Detoxing A Month Before the
Birth of Their Child; He Attacks Pearl Jam, Writes
Surprisingly Ambitious Band Memos

Controversy Over Book Has Fans, Nirvana Band Members
Split

NEW YORK, Oct. 20 /PRNewswire/ -- The journals and
writings of Kurt Cobain, the late lead singer of
Nirvana, are raw and unsettling and reveal how he
spiraled from an ambitious kid in a garage band to a
disillusioned pop star with a deadly heroin addiction.
In the October 28 issue (on newsstands Monday, October
21), Newsweek exclusively excerpts passages from
"Journals," a collection of handwritten diary entries,
letters, band memos, drawings, screeds and cries from
the heart that editor Julie Grau culled from stacks of
Cobain's notebooks.

Riverhead Books, who will publish "Journals" next
month, is said to have paid the Cobain estate-his
widow, Courtney Love, and his 10-year-old daughter,
Frances-in the neighborhood of $4 million. The book is
already controversial among some fans, who worry that
it's an invasion of Cobain's privacy, his suicide in
April 1994 being tragic, irrefutable evidence of his
desire to be left alone.  Nirvana's drummer, Dave
Grohl, and its bassist and cofounder, Krist Novoselic,
recently settled a lawsuit with Love over control of
the band's legacy. Novoselic preferred not to speak
for this story, his manager Corey Moore saying, "He
just feels it's wrong to talk about something this
private. He doesn't want to be involved with these
diaries on any level." 

After his death, Cobain's personal belongings started
disappearing. Cobain's grieving friend Eric Erlandson,
who played guitar in Love's band, Hole, saw what was
happening and moved to safeguard valuables including
his notebooks. "From day one I treated the whole
situation the way I would have for any friend-keeping
their stuff safe," he says. "But from a historical
perspective, I treated it like I would have treated
John Lennon's legacy. I guess I knew even then it was
important." An excerpt follows:

'I Am Not A junkie' 
Cobain married Love in February 1992. The singer's
heroin addiction raged all summer. He entered a rehab
facility in Marina del Rey, Calif., and wrote in his
journal prodigiously. Among the entries was this open
letter to Nirvana fans, which he never made public.

I kind of feel like a dork writing about myself like
this as if I were an American pop-rock icon-demi God,
or a self-confessed product of corporate-packaged
rebellion, but I've heard so many insanely
exhaggerated stories or reports from my friends and
Ive read so many pathetic second rate, freudian
evaluations from interviews from my childhood up until
the present state of my personality and how I'm a
notoriously f---ed up heroine addict, alcoholic, self
destructive, yet overtly sensitive, frail, fragile,
soft spoken, narcoleptic, neurotic, little pissant who
at any minute is going to O.D. jump off a roof wig out
blow my head off or all 3 at once. Oh Pleez GAWD I
can't handle the success! The success! And I feel so
incredibly guilty! For abandoning my true commrades
who were the ones who are devoted who were into us a
few years ago. And in 10 years when NIRVANA becomes as
memorable as Kajagoogoo that same very small percent
will come to see us at reunion gigs sponsored by
Depends diapers, bald fat still trying to RAWK at
amusement parks. Saturdays: puppet show, rollercoaster
& Nirvana ...

Well for those of you who are concerned with my
present physical and mental state. I am not a junkie.
I am not gay, although I wish I were, just to piss off
homophobes. Ive had a rather unconclusive and
uncomfortable stomach condition for the past 3 years
which by the way is not related to stress which also
means it is not an ulcer. Because there is no pattern
to the burning, nauseaus pain in my upper abdominal
cavity, I never know when it will happen, I can be at
home in the most relaxed atmosphere sipping natural
spring water, no stress, no fuss and then WHAM! like a
shotgun: stomach time. Then I can play 100 live
performances in a row, guzzle boric acid & do a
zillion television interviews and not even a burp.
This has left doctors with no ideas except the usual:
here Kurt, try another peptic ulcer pill and lets jam
this fibre optic tube with a video camera in it down
your throat for the 3rd time and see whats going on in
there. Again. Yep your in pain alright. Your stomach
is extremely inflamed and red. Try eating ice cream
from now on. Please lord, f--k hit records, just let
me have my very own unexplainable rare stomach disease
named after me. And the title of our next double
album, "Cobain's disease."

So after protein drinks, becoming a vegetarian,
exercise, stopping smoking, and doctor after doctor I
decided to relieve my pain with small doses of heroine
for a walloping 3 whole weeks. It served as a band-aid
for a while but then the pain came back so I quit. It
was a stupid thing to do and Ill never do it again and
I feel real sorry for anyone who thinks they can use
heroine as a medicine because um, duh, it don't work.

Drug withdrawal is everything you've ever heard. You
puke, you falail around, you sweat, you s-t your bed
just like that movie "Christiane F." It's evil. Leave
it alone.

I am the product of 7 months of screaming at the top
of my lungs almost every night 7 months of jumping
around like a retarded rheesus monkey 7 months of
answering the same questions over and over ... . I'm
really bored with everyones concerned advice like:
"man you have a really good thing going. Your band is
great. You write great songs, but hey man you should
get your personal s-t together. Don't freak out, and
get healthy." Gee I wish it was as easy as that but,
honestly I didn't want all this attention but Im not
freaked out which is something a lot of people would
like to see. Its an entertaining thought to watch a
rock figure whos public domain mentally self destruct.
But I'm sorry friends Ill have to decline. Maybe
Crispin Glover should join our band.

Well Ive spewed enough, probably too much but oh well,
for every one opinionated, pissy, self appointed rock
judge cermudgeon there's a thousand kids ... .

Hope I die before I turn into Pete Townshend.


=====
-Brian in Atlanta
The Who This Month!
http://www.thewhothismonth.com
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