I want to end this NOW!

[och-aye-the@noo.co.uk]

Okay.

In this corner, wearing red trunks and weighing in at umm... a lot of pounds, we have the crazy insanity and wonderfulness of KEITH JOHN MOON ladies and gentlemen!

And in the other corner, wearing blue trunks and weighing in at quite possibly a few less pounds, we have the drumming expertise of KENNEY JONES, ladies and gentlemen!

The audience erupts into rapturous applause, especially a tall brunette girl who yells MOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIEEEE! extremely loudly.

Th referee beckons the drummers towards him and says, "Right fighters, go to your corners, when I blow the whistle, come out ready for a good old scrap, okay?  Okay"  So Keith and Kenney toddle off to their corners and the ref blows his whistle.  Out they rush, Kenney faster than a speeding bullet and Keith not quite as fast, but equipped with a bottle of brandy for the journey.

"Dear boy, 'ave a drink wiv me," Keith invites Kenney.
"No thanks mate," Kenney answers, "I'm trying to beat you up here!"  This doesn't impress Keith much (in a Shania Twain fashion) and he pulls out a set of drumsticks from his pocket.
"Wew, then, dear boy, if yer wanna play it laik that, then we'll 'ave a dramstick twirlin' competition!" he decides angrily, twirling his drumsticks like a mad thing.  Kenney follows the direction of the drumsticks with his eyes and gets dizzy and nauseous very quickly.
"'Ang on, mate, can yer stop that?" he begs, feeling the need to be sick.
"Nah, I can't do that!  Then you might win cos yer thinner and staff than me!" Keith replies.
"That's the 'ole idea!  I can' win on flamboyance and entertainment, I 'ave ter win on technicality and the fact I'm thinner than yer!"
"You need a good glass of brandy ter stop yer bein' so tense!" Keith decides, handing him the bottle of brandy.  "Anyway, jast cos I'm sloppy dasn't mean I ain't the best drammah in rock!" he adds, confidently.  Kenney can't reply to this, as he's had a glass of brandy and is now feeling rather tipsy!
"Dear boy, I nevah knew you was a lightweight!" Keith teases Kenney.  Kenney manages to look him in the eyes and lets out a faint groan before falling to the floor in a drunken heap.  Keith stands over him and suffocates him with his amazing killer eyebrows.  The referee declares Moon the champion of all drummers to have ever existed and everyone goes home happy, except of course for the one or two Kenney fans in the audience.

This week's guest referee was Paul McCartney.  Purely for aesthetics, you understand...

So, that's that one sorted out!  Now you know who's the best, it was Keith all along (but did you really doubt it?  If you did I'm not going to be happy with you!)!!!

Peace, love and Keith Moon

Heather xx


Substitute my coke for gin.

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