BSG Dissects Moiso

["Kai - Last Of The Brunnen G" <kai_brunnen_g@ix.netcom.com>]

Hello, my regular email address has died on me,
so I'm using this alternate one. What a day I'm
having. Blah.
Way Of The Ray

PS: This is BSG at his best and I'm glad my kidneys
aren't the problem.....

http://home.digitalcity.com/boston/sportsguy/main.dci?page=1celts01



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www.bostonsportsguy.com, 1st posting at 8:00am, 11/14


CELTICS CHRONICLES
(updated 10/14)



NOTE TO READER: I'm modeling this "Celtics Chronicles" feature after Rob
Neyer's baseball column on ESPN.com -- shorter posts, heavy on info, stats
and potshots, incorporating e-mails when necessary, etc. -- and hopefully
the result will make you feel like I'm e-mailing you 1-2 times per week with
an extra-long basketball rant. I'm not exactly gunning for the Pulitzer
here, but this gimmick is essential for a few reasons:

* The Celtics coverage in the two local papers has been so piss-poor that I
actually lost control of my bowels while reading Shira Springer's recap of
the Celts-Knicks game on Saturday morning. We'll excuse the Herald's
Cofman-Bulpett combo because, well... that's the Herald. But how does the
Globe allow their Celtics coverage to fall apart like this? This never would
have happened if Bob Ryan was still alive. Anyway, somebody needed to step
up and provide Celtics fans with information and analysis that goes beyond
the "Rick Pitino is really hoping that Tony Battie can show him a little
more consistency" variety.

* Since I love basketball and follow the Celts so closely, I enjoy writing
about them even if they're a mediocre team in an unlikable league. So
indulge me. I've always believed that people will read anything if it's
obvious that the writer A) knows his stuff and B) presents his information
in an entertaining fashion, Hey, maybe you'll start following the Celtics
just because you like reading this column.

(Okay, that was a serious reach... let's just move onto the next point...)
* My life can be separated into two eras -- BD (before DSS) and PD
(post-DSS). Do you realize that I'm watching bits and pieces of NBA games
almost every night? I practically need to enter a DSS Detox Center. For
instance, on Sunday night I watched the OJ mini-series, headed to bed... and
ended up staying up for the fourth quarters of the Magic-Warriors and
Lakers-Rockets games despite the fact that I was deathly ill with the flu.
I'm overflowing with more NBA insights than I know what to do with right
now. Might as well post 'em here.

* Since I attend most home games and watch every road game on TV, I always
end up discussing the C's with my friends (via phone/email). So why not
pretend I'm writing e-mails about the Celtics to my out-of-town friends who
can't watch them -- like my buddy Nick Aieta in Tennessee -- then spruce up
the material a bit, throw in a few extra jokes and observations and post
them on this site as mini-columns? Why wouldn't you all enjoy reading those
posts once or twice a week?

(Um, hello?)

This will work, dammit. As always, you'll just have to trust me.

Onto today's rant, which runs considerably longer than my stated goal for
this space, but so be it...


***** ***** *****

NOVEMBER 14:
"They gotta get him out of there!"

Question: What is this?
MIN FG-FGA FT-FTA 3P-3PA ORB-TRB AS ST BL TO PF TP
3    1- 1   1- 2   0- 0   0- 2   0  0  0   3  3  3
At first glance it resembles the individual box score for a basketball
player, but when you examine the numbers, you notice that the player
committed three turnovers and three fouls in the span of 180 seconds.
Impossible. Nobody could play that badly in a three-minute span. So what is
it?

(Giving you a second to think...)

(One more second...)

(One more...)

Okay, I'll tell you.

The aforementioned stat line represents the box score for Jerome Moiso's
November 2nd game in Cleveland, a historic event for three reasons:

--1. For the first time in the history of the NBA, a player was on pace to
commit 48 fouls and 48 turnovers in the same game and he wasn't drunk.

--2. Moiso entered the game in the second quarter with the Celts leading by
one and exited with the C's trailing by nine. I'm not making this up. By NHL
standards, that's a minus-ten in the plus/minus rating department. Barring
6-to-7 major injuries over the next two months, this was the last time
you'll see Moiso in a non-garbage time situation until the year 2001 (at
least).

--3. Moiso's performance was so catastrophic/painful/dreadful that Celtics'
broadcaster Tommy Heinsohn -- the biggest homer on the planet, the man
responsible for driving the Walter McCarty Bandwagon into a telephone pole,
the only broadcaster who blames the officiating when his team loses by 35
points -- actually shouted out the words, "They gotta get him out of there!"

You know how some sentences latch themselves to people and stick in your
head forever? You see George Bush and you think of the "Read my lips" line.
You see AC Cowlings and you think of the time he said, "This is AC... I got
OJ in the car... you know who this is goddammit!" You see Frank Gifford and
you remember the time he told the stewardess "You have extraordinary
breasts" and "I'm extremely aroused right now." And then there's "They gotta
get him out of there!" and Jerome Moiso. Five years from now, I'll probably
be sitting at the Fleet Center with my Dad -- watching the Celts playing
some crappy opponent like Cleveland or Atlanta -- and Moiso will come off
the bench for the other team during garbage time, and I'll say to Dad, "Hey,
remember when we picked that guy?" and Dad will respond, "They gotta get him
out of there!" in a mock Heinsohn voice.

Does this mean we can already slap the "Draft Bust" label on Moiso? Yes and
no. I'll explain...

-NO: Nobody expected Moiso to help the team this season. As I wrote in my
Celtics preview, Moiso was never earmarked for anything other than that
"Headless Chicken" role this season, and none of these 6-foot-11
athlete/project types make a sustained impact in this league until Year Two
or Year Three (Bo Outlaw, Keon Clark, etc.). We knew this.

-YES: The Celtics picked a player who won't help them this season. For a
team "trying" to make the playoffs, it was a curious decision to waste the
11th pick in the draft on a player who wouldn't earn significant minutes as
a rookie.

-NO: I could spout out all the "He's only been playing in America for
two-and-a-half years"/"He's an unbelievable athlete" crap, but I'll leave
that to Chris "I'm working on a one-year contract" Wallace.

-YES: Moiso isn't remotely ready for the NBA. I have never, EVER seen a
Celtic appear more lost than Jerome Moiso did during those first two home
games. You couldn't even claim that he suffered from "Deer in the
headlights" syndrome because it wouldn't be fair to deer.

(Moiso reminds me of a woman who works at the infamous Store 24 in
Charlestown who freaks out every time the store gets too busy. She just
can't handle it. Her eyes bulge. Her teeth clench. She starts moving
furiously behind the counter. Inevitably she knocks over a coffee or drops
change on the floor, and you just want to depart the premises before she has
a breakdown and you find yourself standing behind the counter trying to pry
her tongue from her mouth. In case you're scoring at home, the Boston
Celtics' first-round pick reminds me of this lady. Warrants mentioning.)

You may remember that I wanted the C's to re-sign Danny Fortson last summer
and use their #11 pick on a scoring guard like Courtney Alexander of Quentin
Richardson. As it turned out, they drafted Moiso and traded Fortson in a
complicated multi-move deal that cost them Fortson and Cal Cheaney and
netted them Bryant Stith, Chris Herren, and a lottery-protected
first-rounder from Utah. On paper, that's a terrible basketball trade;
Herren was the only commodity in the two-part deal, but they could have
acquired him from Denver without giving up Fortson (via Robert Pack). The
Fort was a proven rebounder -- he sprung for 21 boards last night, for God's
sake! You don't dump someone like that for thirty cents on the dollar.

(Looking back, it seemed like an "addition by subtraction" deal more than
anything, like Coach P was saying "Get this guy out of here." And maybe that
was the case; Fortson can allegedly be a divisive locker room guy when he's
not getting enough minutes. His departure from Boston seems especially
intriguing now that he hooked himself up the juvenation machine in San
Fran -- Fortson leads the NBA in rebounding at 16.3 per game -- but we'll
tackle that one in detail at another time.)

As for Moiso, I'm not sure what he brings to the table on a basketball court
besides one thing: He looks really good. My Dad and I watched him lope
around the court during the Toronto game and both agreed that we could
understand why coaches fall for Moiso. Long legs, long arms. Looks smooth as
hell. Jumps through the roof. Great hands for a big guy. And yet none of
that stuff matters if somebody doesn't know what the hell they're doing on a
basketball court. You can't teach a player to instinctively perform all the
little things that make such a difference at this level -- a nose for the
ball, a soft touch around the hoop, etc. -- and anyone who ever played
pickup basketball knows that the teams with the Danny Fortsons always beat
the teams with the Jerome Moisos. Will he ever evolve beyond the "project"
level? Honestly, I don't know; I haven't seen enough of him yet. But one
play stood out for me over those first two weeks.

During the blowout at Toronto, Rick Brunson beat his man off the dribble,
drove the lane, drew Moiso's man over to him and whistled an inspired
no-look pass to Moiso, who was standing by himself on the left baseline...
and the pass whistled by Moiso's head and out of bounds. It wasn't just that
Moiso forgot to keep his hands up to catch the pass; he didn't have ANY idea
that Brunson was even thinking about him. That's what scares me. There's a
huge difference between "lacking playing experience at the NBA level" and
"having no f-ing clue what's going on." Again, you can't teach instinct.

Four closing thoughts about the Moiso Era thus far:

Closing Thought #1
You might remember me writing 200,000 different times last season that the
C's were blowing close games because they didn't have a 2-guard to drain
that open jumper from the right corner at crunch-time. Once again, teams are
double-teaming Pierce and Walker down the stretch and making (fill in one:
Stith, Williams or Griffin) beat them with open 20-footers. We've been here
before. None of those guys consistently make that shot, even Stith, who hurt
them during the Knicks game Friday night by passing up a wide-open three to
win the game in regulation (preferring to put the game in the hands of
somebody named Rick Brunson). Could Alexander, Richardson or Desmond
Mason -- all potential picks in Moiso's #11 spot -- have filled that void?
Maybe, maybe not. But this team won't make the playoffs until they find
another shooter besides Paul Pierce. In other words, nothing has changed
from last season.

(Note to Coach P: Pick up Tracy Murray from Denver, would ya? It's a
no-brainer. Offer them McCarty and Utah's #1. Just trust me.)

Closing Thought #2
They placed Moiso on the injured list last Saturday with one of those
"wink-wink" sprained ankle injuries -- where he'll probably remain for the
foreseeable future -- which means Tony Battie becomes Antoine's backup at
the 4-spot and subject us to the same schizo/multi-position/up-and-down crap
that he pulled last season. So not only did they lose Fortson and waste a #1
pick for this year's team, they're also inadvertently hurting Battie's game.
That's a triple whammy.

(After two full seasons of dealing with the Battman, why hasn't Team Pitino
realized that Battie only thrives when he's playing center and feeling like
he's The Man? Yank the Battman around, give him spotty minutes and he'll act
accordingly. How come we can figure this out and the coaches can't?)

Closing Thought #3
I need to watch Moiso a few more times, but my first instinct is usually
dead-on with these things... and my gut tells me that Moiso doesn't have it.
Something's missing; he's just too clueless. And sometimes -- like with
Tebucky Jones, Vanilla Ice, Heathcliff Slocumb, the TV show "Titans," Rocky
5, "Saved by the Bell: The College Years," and the Helen Hunt-Hank Azaria
marriage -- you can tell right away with these things. Sad but true. I hope
I'm wrong.

Closing Thought #4
If the Celtics don't make the playoffs this season, Rick Pitino is finished
in Boston. Even he admits it. So why allow Fortson to leave and waste the
#11 pick on a project like Moiso? Doesn't that seem like an intentional
self-sabotage or am I crazy? Why should Coach P care if Moiso pans out three
years from now; he won't even be coaching here unless Boston makes the
playoffs this season, right? It doesn't make sense.

Unless...

...and here's what scares me the most...

...Pitino did believe that Moiso would help the Celtics this season, just
like he thought Travis Knight would help and Chris Mills would help and Tyus
Edney would help and all the other flops over the past three-plus years
would help. Think about it. If Moiso was 19 when they drafted him, that
would have been one thing, but NBA teams don't select 22 year-old
"projects," not with more and more high schoolers entering the draft every
season. I don't know what scares me more, the fact that Moiso is four years
older than Darius Miles, the fact that he's one year younger than Paul
Pierce or the fact that the Celtics drafted him in the first place.

I'm guessing that Team Pitino watched Moiso practice for the past two months
and slowly realized that he couldn't even pitch in 10-12 reliable minutes a
game. Will the rookie ever make it? Nobody knows. But if the C's miss the
playoffs again, Pitino will get canned and I'll be forced to write a book
called "We Hated to Give Him Up, But When You Have The Chance to Acquire
Someone Like Alvin Williams..." about the snakebitten Pitino Era. And one of
the final chapters in that book will simply be called "They Gotta Get Him
Out Of There!" The title says it all.

Until next time...