Woody Paige: Players Should Hang Out With Mike Tyson

[Way Of The Ray <wayray@ix.netcom.com>]

                     Tyson beats the house, but NBA heroes don't

                     By Woody Paige
                     Denver Post Sports Columnist

                     Oct. 20 - While they're visiting Sodom-By-The-Desert
                     this week, NBA players should throw a
                     he's-a-jolly-good-fellow party for Mike Tyson.

                     If misery does adore companionship, the boxer and the
                     basketballers can commiserate about their lot in life
                     that only could be appreciated by Lot's wife.

                     In an earmark decision Monday by the Nevada Athletic
                     Commission, Tyson's lifetime license suspension was
                     lifted - what a surprise! - and he can go on to fight
                     - or bite - again.

                     At almost the same (but separate) moment, arbitrator
                     John Feerick ruled that 226 NBA players with
                     guaranteed contracts will not be paid during the
                     lockout by the owners.

                     The players should have demanded that their case be
                     heard by the Nevada Athletic Commission.

                     Here's an idea: To raise chump change for themselves,
                     Tyson can get in the ring with the idle players one
                     (or two or 226) at a time.

                     Both issues dealt with the rights of the athletes to
                     make money. Tyson claimed he was broke and deprived
                     of the opportunity to earn $30 million or more at his
                     chosen profession. The players argued that the owners
                     owe them $700 million in salaries even though they
                     won't be playing.

                     I saw a "Full-time Help Wanted'' sign in the window
                     of a restaurant Monday. The jobs pay minimum wage,
                     not millions, but the work is honest.

                     "Your application indicates that your last employer
                     was the Denver Nuggets. So, can you wash dishes and
                     mop floors?''

                     "No, but I can do a 360 and play a little defense.
                     And the season wasn't my fault, man.''

                     "And how about you, Mr. Tyson. Ever been a bus boy
                     before?''

                     "Please don't torture me any longer. Give me the job,
                     or I'm gonna have to slap you around.''

                     Usually during a labor dispute, union members meet in
                     a cold-storage warehouse.

                     Those poor babies from the NBA are holding a
                     rank-and-file session in Las Vegas on Thursday. How
                     convenient. The players can sit around the pool and
                     stand around the crap tables with highballs, rather
                     than basketballs, in their hands and showgirls on
                     their arms and whine and moan about the greedy
                     owners.

                     And Tyson can be there to greet them in one of his 32
                     Mercedes.

                     Excuse me while I wipe away a tear.

                     The last time many of the NBA players and Tyson (and
                     I) were united in Vegas was at the last world
                     heavyweight championship fight involving Tyson and
                     Evander Holyfield.

                     At the weigh-in Tyson mumbled something about eating
                     Holyfield for lunch. I didn't take him seriously -
                     until he ate Holyfield's ears for dinner. Very eerie.

                     After the Holyfield Tartare buffet at the MGM Grand
                     arena, real fights erupted in the nearby hotel
                     casino, and shots apparently were fired. During the
                     confusion, NBA players, in town for the debacle, were
                     caught on camera pocketing $100 gambling chips.

                     The players apparently were putting away a little
                     something for the lockout. But they eventually, and
                     quietly, returned the tens of thousands of dollars in
                     chips to avoid prosecution and public ridicule.

                     The casinos will be counting the chips and the
                     silverware when the NBA players arrive this week.
                     These are the same players who conducted press
                     conferences throughout the country days ago to say
                     how much they cared about the fans and just want to
                     play basketball. Why is it, then, that they don't
                     seem to care about the fans or basketball when
                     they're playing?

                     With nothing else to do, the unfortunate players
                     should stick around for Tyson's next fight, which
                     will be scheduled against another bum in December.

                     The Nevada Athletic Commission should have taken a
                     tougher stance, requiring that Cannibal Tyson wear a
                     Hannibal Lecter-type leather mask and be brought to
                     the ring on a leash and in a cage. His opponent
                     should get rabies shots.

                     And the NBA players should hire Don King as their
                     negotiator. He would force the owners to give the
                     players their fair share - after his 85 percent cut,
                     plus expenses.

                     Vegas deserves to have Tyson and the NBA players
                     together where we can keep an eye and an ear on them.
                     All of them should stay there in the neon Sodom - and
                     wait to be turned into pillars of salt.