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Don't Let A Player Go To Bed Hungry
[The Washington Times] [Sports]
Published in Washington, D.C. 5am -- December 9, 1998
www.washtimes.com
OPINION
Don't let a player go to bed hungry
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By Tom Knott
THE WASHINGTON TIMES
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[W]hoa, baby.
The NBA players are taking their show to
Atlantic City, N.J., for an exhibition game,
and what a show it is expected to be.
Need a Dominique Wilkins fix?
The city of taffy, tackiness and Donald
Trump is the place to be.
Circle the date on your calendar: Dec. 19,
9 p.m.
Some matches are made in heaven. This one
was made by David Falk and Arn Tellem.
They insist they are innocent. They can't
help it if the exercise has the feel of a Don
King production.
Most of the proceeds from the game are
expected to go to the players' favorite
charity, which is themselves.
"If you look at people who play
professional sports, not a lot of them are
financially secure," Patrick Ewing says.
A seven-car garage will overextend a tight
budget every time.
The players have adopted a new slogan, and
it is this: "Will play contrived game for
food."
The players have their cardboard signs and
tin cups out. They want your spare change,
canned goods and second-hand clothing.
Every little bit helps.
And remember: It is the thought that
counts.
Your $1,000 for a courtside seat could be
the difference between a player spending the
Christmas holidays at home or in a homeless
shelter.
Farm-Aid. Live-Aid. Band-Aid. NBA-Aid.
Show your compassion, America.
If your 25 cents can feed just one player,
then it will be the best 25 cents you ever
spent.
"[The players] make a lot of money, and
they also spend a lot of money," Ewing says.
So whose problem is that?
"Me, I'm financially secure," Ewing says.
Then perhaps Ewing should make a check out
to God Shammgod.
Falk is probably living all right as well.
Perhaps he can donate a tiny fraction of his
income to the cause.
Michael Jordan probably sells enough Hanes
underwear to support each member of the union.
Is he reaching for his wallet? Is he handing
out free underwear to the union's hard-up
members? Why, he is not even planning to play
in the game.
Here's the message from the NBA players:
"We're hurting, America. Help us. We may earn a
zillion times more money than you, but our
overhead is a killer. We can't accept 52
percent of the gross revenue from the owners,
but we can accept your hard-earned dollars."
The players appear to be serious.
Their news conference did not come with a
laugh track.
They don't really want fans to attend the
game. They want suckers. They shouldn't call it
"The Game on Showtime." They should call it
"Sucker Appreciation Night."
If Showtime is smart, it won't show much
of the game. It will show the suckers at
courtside who paid $1,000 a pop.
The players are discovering that 58
percent of nothing does not stretch as far as
52 percent of $2 billion. It is tough to eat on
nothing.
As silly as the lockout has become,
America balks at seeing film clips of emaciated
players. Nothing would help the union's
position like a shot of a player with his ribs
showing and a bloated belly.
No player, in a country as plentiful as
ours, should have to go to bed on an empty
stomach.
But please, America, don't send money.
Send sacks of beans and rice. As Ewing points
out, the players are not financial geniuses.
They might spend the money on their cell-phone
bills.
In a related development, the NBA canceled
the All-Star Game yesterday. Next on the hit
list: what's left of the ever-shrinking season.
The season, if you're keeping count of
games lost at home, already has been destroyed.
Killing it, if it comes to that, will be an act
of mercy.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian and Mike Wallace, hang
loose. The NBA could be needing your services.
The players are not going to Disney World.
They are going to Atlantic City. You are under
no obligation to contribute to their
unemployment fund.
The players have financial problems. You
have financial problems.
They don't feel your economic pain. But
they expect you to feel theirs.
The nerve of them.
Copyright © 1998 News World Communications, Inc.